#3

Adventureland (film) Emboldened by rum/ a fairground akward and strange/ he steals love’s first kiss  Sports Night (tv) New York in winter/ I feel the heat in your words/ but you talk of sport  Spicy Jerk Chicken with mango salsa on pepper and chilli bread (sandwich) Saturated fat/ absent like snow in july/ it melts on the tongue  Strawberry Swing (music video) I lay on the floor/ the world erupts around me/ in fire and smudged chalk  (500) Days of Summer (film) In the wrong order/ love cools with passing seasons/ a boy meets a girl  American Dad (tv) Like family guy/ but in this one the fish talks/ that’s progress for you  Pow! (iphone app) Adan West is gone/ but his flying fists live on/ blam crash bang thunk pow  Arkham Asylum (ps3 game) Digital Gothlam/ the dark knight detective stalks/ down linear paths  Inglourious Basterds (film) Tarintino hacks/ this film into bloody chunks/ some don’t really work  Hamlet 2 (film) Shakespeare this is not/ but rock me sexy jesus/ is hilarious  Jordan (celebrity) Spring’s brief blush has passed/ flesh droops in autumnal hues/ forget fame and live

Reviews don’t really mean anything, do they? We’re all wired so differently that a film or a song or a risotto is going to have a wildly different effect on me than it’s going to have on you. And yet we love to quantify, categorise and clarify. We live to put stuff in boxes and then mark them good or bad with thick black unequivocal lines. The Haiku Review is different. It recognises that reviewing stuff is pretty much meaningless and as such it only spends 17 syllables doing it. It doesn’t differentiate between media and it’s structured from best to worst, enabling you my lucky readers to make direct comparisons between, say, my new shoes and stand-up comedian Jimmy Carr. Be here every Friday for more Ancient Japanese-themed review fun.

#1

Weddings (traditional ceremony) Today you joined hands/ and ran headlong into your/ future. Never stop  Y: The Last Man (comic) It makes me weep that/ something so funny and smart/ exists in this world  Greenbelt (festival) We shall do well here/ people seem genuinely/ happy together  Chocolate Chai Tea (drink) It tastes like a bar/ of chocolate exploded in/ a spice factory  Hoopla Impro Workshop (workshop) Your entertainment/ for the evening is coming/ out of your own head  Leeds (city) It is cold up here/ fearless girls bare their flesh and/ don’t even goose bump  inFamous (game ps3) Like Grand Theft Auto/ but I can shoot lightning and/ throw cars around. Nice!  Alton Towers (theme park) Sensations that are/ otherwise reserved for those/ ending their own lives Funny People (film) Long, self-indulgent/ movie that is nonetheless/ revelatory  The Host (book) Clumsy, obvious/ broad-brushed and naive and yet/ fitfully brilliant  Pizza Express (restaurant) Tasty, generic/ food served in disturbingly/ identical rooms  The Time Traveler’s Wife (film) Although you have a/ kind of warmth. It is mostly/ reflected glory  G-Force (film) Shit in 3D is/ still shit. It’s just shit with a/ greater depth of field