Walmart owned cheapo supermarket Asda is rubbish. Watch this film to find out why.

#3

Adventureland (film) Emboldened by rum/ a fairground akward and strange/ he steals love’s first kiss  Sports Night (tv) New York in winter/ I feel the heat in your words/ but you talk of sport  Spicy Jerk Chicken with mango salsa on pepper and chilli bread (sandwich) Saturated fat/ absent like snow in july/ it melts on the tongue  Strawberry Swing (music video) I lay on the floor/ the world erupts around me/ in fire and smudged chalk  (500) Days of Summer (film) In the wrong order/ love cools with passing seasons/ a boy meets a girl  American Dad (tv) Like family guy/ but in this one the fish talks/ that’s progress for you  Pow! (iphone app) Adan West is gone/ but his flying fists live on/ blam crash bang thunk pow  Arkham Asylum (ps3 game) Digital Gothlam/ the dark knight detective stalks/ down linear paths  Inglourious Basterds (film) Tarintino hacks/ this film into bloody chunks/ some don’t really work  Hamlet 2 (film) Shakespeare this is not/ but rock me sexy jesus/ is hilarious  Jordan (celebrity) Spring’s brief blush has passed/ flesh droops in autumnal hues/ forget fame and live

Reviews listed from best to worst.

#2

Laura’s Chocolate & Beef Stew (bespoke foodstuff) By all the laws of/ God and man it shouldn’t work/ but somehow it does  Dr Horrible’s Sing Along Blog (web comic) If you haven’t seen/ this yet then you can’t be my/ friend until you do Jamie’s Italian (restaurant) He may act like an/ idiot but the boy sure/ knows how to cook pork  Brick (film) The Maltese Falcon/ meets 10 Things I Hate About/ You but with more laughs  District 9 (film) Has a great bit in/ it where someone is killed by/ a jet-propelled pig  Bejeweled Blitz Beta (facebook app) We should all live life/ to the full. But first I’ll have/ one more go on this  Cyanide & Happiness (web comic) Badly drawn and in/ questionable taste but when/ it’s good you’ll laugh hard  Old People Karaoke (pastime) Sing us your heart’s song/ memories fade to echoes/ melodies linger  The Final Destination 3D (film) Shit in 3D is/ still shit. Oh look another/ evisceration  The Boondock Saints (film) I am Troy Duffy/ I’m the new Tarantino/ Actually I’m not  

Here are two seemingly unrelated facts for you.

Fact One Napoleon invented the shape of the classic French baguette so that soldiers could store bread in their trouser leg

Fact Two Cinemas don’t make a profit on film tickets, all their money comes from stuff you buy on the concession stands (a large popcorn’s net value is like 27p); this is why you’re not allowed to bring your own food into screens

And so it was with these two facts uppermost in my mind that today I attempted to smuggle a Nando’s Hot Chicken Wrap into the cinema by tucking it into my sock. It made me look like I had a pronounced limp and my feet now smell of peri peri but it was totally worth it.