Check out the following pictures that illustrate these things about life, family and growing up:
1. Tiny little munchkin children can suddenly explode into lanky adulthood when you’re not looking.
2. My dress sense has got steadily better (I no longer wear t-shirts of Andrew Lloyd Webber shows).
3. Caroline’s dress sense had a major blip in it around the turn of the millennium (she is also pregnant in that last picture).
4. I have never smiled with my mouth open.
5. We don’t have a set way we cross our arms.
6. I’m definitely over the hill looks-wise.
7. My cousin Kathryn has a trademark smile.
8. Check out my little cousin, Jonathan, rocking out in those stripy circus shorts. That takes guts, man.

1994

2000

2009

Here’s to 2015 where Jono’s a foot taller than me, Caroline has 5 kids hanging off her, Kathryn’s covered in tattoos and I’ve gone back to wearing Phantom of the Opera promotional stuff.

Oh, except this …

See that? That’s the first picture ever of my new nephew or niece.

The very first.

And I know this life is packed with everyday miracles and one more baby isn’t going to be front page news or anything.

But wow.

How often do you see a picture of a stranger and know instantly that person is going to be pivotal to your life from that moment on?

Not very often.

The hospital has dubbed him or her “Baby Flint” but they’re also half Mead, they could have my Nanna’s smile or my Poppas’ sense of humour or my Dad’s singing voice. Baby Flint is this amazing genetic lottery and we have no idea what traits, talents or features will win out.

A whole new person growing, changing, consolidating by the second. Making its way from probabilities to certainties.

Congratulations, Caroline and Matt, you are both phenomenal people and will make parents of the very highest order.

Things won’t ever be the same now.

I can’t wait.

Let me answer that question for you, no you haven’t. You know why? Because I never show them to anyone. Look at any picture of me and you’ll see I always smile with my lips closed.

My teeth are rubbish, they’re small and they’re acid damaged and I hate them. Know what else I hate? Going to the dentist.

I’m going on Wednesday.

I’ve definitely got at least one cavity and I’m pretty sure one of my other teeth is loose. This essentially means two things – financial outlay and pain. Brilliant. Got to love paying people to hurt you. Best. Day. Ever.

What makes it worse is that my girlfriend’s brother, Luke, is in the process of becoming a dentist. He’s just entered his second year and his medical knowledge currently hovers somewhere between partial diagnosis and full mastery. This means he knows just enough long words to get me worried without really being able to furnish me with anything approaching a concrete fact. A conversation with him will go something like this:

Me: Hello, Dr Luke

Dr Luke: Don’t call me that.

Me: Chill out, Luke.

Dr Luke: Sorry. Do you want to see some kick ass guitar playing on YouTube?

Me: You’ve shown me all of the guitar playing on YouTube, Luke. Every. Single. Bit.

Dr Luke: Kick ass.

Me: Can I ask you a question?

Dr Luke: Is it how to wear a neckerchief to drive the women crazy?

Me: Erm … no.

Dr Luke: Do you like my neckerchief though?

Me: Not really. It makes you look like a nineteenth century street urchin.

Dr Luke: (pouts)

Me: So … about this question?

Dr Luke: Yes?

Me: One of my teeth is wobbly.

Dr Luke: Really? That’ll be to do with the effects of force magnitude as it pertains to the direction of tooth movement on different alveolar bone types.

Me: What?

Dr Luke: Don’t worry. (shakes head slowly) You wouldn’t understand. Is it bilateral movement?

Me: What?

Dr Luke: (as if talking to a small child) Is it wobbling from side to side?

Me: No, backwards and forwards.

Dr Luke: Hmmm, I think we’re dealing with the effect of bisphosphonates on orthodontic tooth movement. It’s either gum disease, damage to the dentine and pulp, you’re roots are cracked or it’s nothing at all.

Me: Well which is it? Is it serious?

Dr Luke: I’m afraid I can’t answer that. It’s not an exact science. But I would book an appointment immediately if you don’t want to lose your lower jaw.

Etc.

Luke has actually offered to put my teeth right as part of his third year project so I shouldn’t complain too much. He’sdoing incredibly well with his studies and regularly comes in top of his class which is brilliant. The problem now is maintaing my dental integrity long enough to take advantage of his kind offer. I worry about it so much I end up grinding my teeth into dust which is the very definition of self-defeating.

Anyway, there’s no point dwelling on it, I guess all I can do now is grin and bear it.

But with my lips firmly closed.